We’ll jump right on in with this one……
Ed is a selfish partner.
A partner is someone you can rely on, be free with, dance as one. Your eating disorder does not want you to look good, or feel good. Regardless of what it tells you. When you jump, it will not catch you. When you turn, it won’t keep you on center. It’s goal is to throw you off, to trip you up and confuse you in hopes that you won’t stop needing it.
It doesn’t want you to succeed.
The progress you want to make in your technique, artistry, and other aspects of life, may be near impossible with Ed whispering in your ear but leaving Ed off the dance floor ( or out of life) is easier said than done. Much of what’s holding you back may be in your thinking. What I call Ed thoughts. Critical, and insensitive. All in hopes you will not succeed. And in some cases, in hopes you will not survive. Dance is tough, always will be no matter what level you climb so we could all use people around us that want us to succeed.
In those moments say to yourself, I will get this, maybe not today, but someday. I’m still awesome, regardless of how I did in class today. I’m learning, like everybody else. I’m going for excellence, not perfection. I am enough.
It will only weigh you down.
I tell my dancers to dance UP, not DOWN. You will seem to float across the floor when you lift in your center and pull up. Ballet requires this lift but when you’re carrying Ed, it’s impossible. There is only down with Ed. That is where it will put you, and drag you, if you let it. But you’re stronger than you know.
Now, maybe you’re thinking “How can I NOT bring it into class?! This seems impossible. Ed is stronger than me, and always wins.” I say, that is what recovery is for. Recovery makes things possible, one step at a time. You may have lost many battles, but you will not lose the war. Nothing is impossible when you are willing to face your fear. Ed does not always win because you are reading this and there is a part of you that wants to believe and apply it to your dancing. That is your recovery voice and it WILL grow stronger with time.
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Keep Dancing In Recovery!!