Your Pain Matters: Why Validation, Not Judgment, Saves Lives

I was giving a QPR training, sharing stories as I always do. When I shared the story of the night my daughter attempted suicide, the night I asked myself, Who do I need to be to help her? Something shifted.

During this training, I told the room I wanted to validate my daughter, not judge her for not coming to me sooner, not punish her for being in pain. I wanted her to know she wasn’t in trouble, that her pain mattered.

After the training, a woman came up to me with tears streaming down her face. She said, “When you said that, something healed inside me.” She told me she had been the teenager who was judged when she was suicidal. She told me about the things pressing on her now, like legal trouble, car problems, one hard thing after another.

Then she said, quietly, “I was suicidal yesterday.”

Her story reminded me that suicide is not only a clinical label. It can be the result of being at the breaking point, of life piling on until someone runs out of options. It can happen to anyone.

Her courage to say those words allowed me to do the work that matters most in this field: to be with her. To be present and to listen.

It was making space for someone to be seen and not judged.

That is why we show up to trainings. People come to learn how to help and often leave having finally felt a real human connection: authentic, transparent, and healing.

If you ever were judged for your pain I want you to know this: it was not your fault. Your pain mattered then, and it matters now. You matter.

**If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please reach out for help right now. In the U.S. call or text 988, or contact local emergency services. You are not alone.